"NOW IT'S REAL" - QUOTE OF EVERY REALITY SHOW CONTESTANT

"NOW IT'S REAL" - what reality show contestant hasn't said these words? How many times when watching them on Top Chef, Project Runway or any one of the other ones have we laughed at them and said "Duh!" I guess the end seems so far away that we convince ourselves it will never come and when it finally does, we're surprised.

Anyone who knows me or has read this blog for any length of time will know that, from birth, I have always watched too much tv. It was my companion when I had few friends or I needed to hide from the kids who bullied me. A lot of kids, escaped into comics or books, I did a little but it was mostly tv. So it should be no surprise that I quote tv show contestants when writing a post of this importance.

It is almost the 2 year anniversary of my mom's diagnosis of lung cancer and since then it has been one elimination challenge after another. She's been safe in most, won one or two and even was in the bottom twice. But each time she came back with renewed confidence and hope and the desire to win. I learned this week that 95% of my attitude has been really channelling my mom's energy and determination. I have been as optimistic and positive as she and I have done every thing I can to support my teammate. 48 years ago, we made an alliance to go to the end together and although it's been tested, it's has never been broken or betrayed.

Back in the fall, I started to think, privately, that maybe it would be best if one morning she didn't wake up, she was never going to have a high quality of life again. My mom believes differently. She is not ready to go. Not then, not now.

Last week, for the first time, I said, "NOW IT'S REAL."

A few days later, Friday afternoon, the doctor spoke to me, my dad and my sister. It wasn't the first time. At 4 am on Saturday morning, my mom woke me, she couldn't breath and wanted to go to the hospital. Thankfully, I keep an excel list of her medications, doctors, and complete medical history that I update to document every doctor visit and medical issue no matter how minor. Although all her doctors are in the same hospital and all the records are mostly electronically organized and accessible, it is remarkable how much more efficient and accurate it is to hand the doctor - in the ER or your primary - these papers at each visit. If you don't tell them what has happened, they don't seem to pick it up in their charts. I also get as many copies of lab work as I can and I have color photocopies of her ID and insurance cards. These simple things are so appreciated by the nurses, doctors and administrative staff. It also seems to earn a bit more attention and respect and in better and more attentive treatment for my mom.

By Saturday night, the new tests were in. Even though she had had a CTscan on Tuesday, they did another along with and EKG. We jumped from elimination challenges right to the final round and she will not be named the winner.

They discovered that her breathing problem was caused by fluid around the heart which they can treat but the true source of her fatigue and breathing issues the last few weeks wasn't her new chemo but that she had had a silent heart attack. She also has an untreatable blood clot in her heart that could cause a stroke or most likely (and hopefully (being truthful)) her death. In addition, she has a floating mass in another part of her heart which is probably the cancer spreading.

Mom can go at any time or months from now but either way, the end is in sight. I was rather peaceful yesterday. It feels like relief but I suppose it's also shock. She's still in the hospital but doing well and walking around and was very chatty last night. We haven't told her everything yet and will likely not tell her about the clot that could end her life at any second. Who needs to know that? It helps me that I'm able the share it with you - just to release it. Thanks.

Tramp with Mom

I'm not sure exactly what the next few days, weeks and months will be like. Mom will come home - there's no doubt. There have been many times, way too many, when I have looked at her sleeping in the recliner or in bed and have struggled to see signs of her breathing. Or looked at her still closed bedroom door and wondered if I wasn't going to be able to wake her and how would I tell my dad or my sister or my nephews or Truvy and Tramp (they are so sensitive to how she is doing and treated her accordingly).

So this is it, this is it. The final challenge and my favorite is not going to win. Thanks for reading and in advance for your words of comfort and positive thoughts and energy. It means so much. Wow! Two tv references - I iz so koulturd.

We loved this show and watched it every week.

The lyrics are words to live and dance by.

Now I'm crying.

HAVEN'T WE ALL DONE THIS?

Thanks to Rainbow Colored South

TO MINI OR NOT TO MINI

I have a choice to make between getting the iPad or the iPad mini (it's a gift) and want your thoughts, experience and advice.

My needs are simple, to be able to mostly read and blog while in waiting rooms or traveling. I don't play games and though I haven't really done any streaming of movies and shows, I think with a tablet I will. There is a bit of a price cap - if I get the iPad it will be without cellular, if I get the mini then I will get it with cellular. What about no cellular but getting a separate hot spot? If I get the separate hotspot I'll have the advantage of being able to use it with my laptop. I will tell you that I am leaning towards the mini. It is about the same size as my Kindle (1st edition!), I like the size and weight, but will I have wished I had channelled my inner size queen and gotten the bigger screen?

As for using a hotspot, I know quality of service is dependent on the provider but overall are they worth  the inconvenience, do they really save you money and do they provide more security than using a public wifi like in Starbucks?

poll by twiigs.com

poll by twiigs.com

MOM - UPDATE

After a week, Mom came home yesterday. She really was in for the last 5 days to receive IV antibiotic treatment. Today we're off to see Les Miserables and then dinner at a diner. We'll be combining Christmas and New Year's on New Year's exchanging gifts and eating!

Thank you riding along with me this year. 

Have a Happy and Healthy New Year 2013!

Sean, Truvy and Tramp

UPDATE: THE CHRISTMAS VISIT

I always thought that being in the hospital for Christmas (religious or not) would be about as depressing as you could get without dying. I was wrong. It is better if the person, Mom, is doing well and not in danger.

We, I, took mom to the ER on Sunday because I didn't like her breathing - it was very shallow. She was actually waiting to go with my sister to get a mani-pedi when I noticed. We later learned that she had been having some difficulties for 2-3 days but didn't want to be in the hospital for Christmas or to dampen anyone's spirits. I'll save you the discussion about how waiting wasn't helpful.

The good news came early, no pneumonia or obvious infection. Just the usual/likely hidden infection in COPD patients. They did do a CTscan for blood clot but it was clear but it also showed that her new medication has be doing its job - WIN-WIN!

So the hospital on Christmas was not so bad. It was more quiet then usually, ALL the doctors were either Jewish or Indian, no one but the patients seemed to mind being there and even the families made the best of it. Lot's of santa hats, bags of presents, platters of food and so much love and good cheer!

Mom is not home just yet, maybe today, she is just getting stronger and lots of IV antibiotics. We'll do Christmas when she comes home. Until then I'm with her in the hospital most of the day cursing the truly craptactular cell phone and internet reception in her specific room (other rooms in the same section have be great).

Thanks for all the well wishes and positive energy!

PEACE LOVE JOY HEALTH HAPPINESS

PEACE  LOVE  JOY  HEALTH  HAPPINESS

Sexy Santas, commercialism and the war on everything aside, as gay men we must keep the glitz, glamour and decorations, may the intention of the season of PEACE, LOVE & JOY be yours today.

SEAN  TRUVY  &  TRAMP

12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS: MY CHRISTMAS WISH

Instead of taking mom for a mani/pedi yesterday, we had flip-flops in hand, I took her to the ER. She thought she was fine but I thought her breathing was shallow. When she didn't resist the calling her doctor, I knew it was the correct decision. No fever, but a bad white blood cell count indicates an infection so they admitted her. With lung cancer patients, they could bang their head on the wall and the Docs think it's pneumonia, so they treat accordingly and wait for tests to confirm. We'll know more later today (Christmas Eve). She was doing well and was walking around and up and down the stairs so she it's possible she'll be home tonight - hospitals don't like having patients on Christmas.

Live blogging will be light until she's home and because of the Holidays - I already had a bunch of posts scheduled. Thanks and Happy Holidays to you all.

Sean, Truvy and Tramp

SOME WHERE, OVER THE RAINBOW

If this had happened today (12,21,12) I might have been more freaked out but this was bad enough.

At about 3:30 on Tuesday, it was sunny and very warm. I had just gotten into my car to run an errand when it started raining - in the sun. Then it started pouring and the sky was black. Then there was big lightening and bigger thunder but in my rear view I could still see the sun and blue sky. I was starting to have Sandy flashbacks.

As soon as it started, it was over. Left in the wake was this beautiful rainbow. Now I've seen rainbows before, I mean mother nature's, but never have I seen the entire arch. This was an exciting 25 minutes.

I'm glad the world survived and you're here to see the rainbow. I tried the panorama feature on my iPhone 4s but don't think I used it correctly.

Have a great day and wonderful weekend!

ONE MILLION HITS!

Thank you!

Some time on Tuesday, I received my 1,000,000th hit! I'm not sure if it's cheating to count all my blogs together but I am. When I started, I never imagined anyone reading or looking at my blog, I didn't even really start it to write but rather to track all the blogs I liked reading. Now, I have four blogs, over 1,000,000 hits but most importantly - I have met people and made friends I wouldn't never would have and I am the better for it. Thank you. I must also thank all the semi nude pics of all the hunky men I've posted and lusted after.

Just a Jeep Guy -  has had over 671,000 hits, almost 2,000 posts and over 8,500 comments since December 21, 2008. My first post was titled "MY DOGGIES" and was a pic of Miss Truvy and The Tramp in the Jeep.

Miss Truvy and The Tramp

Just a Jeep Guy's Men - has over 325,00 hits and over 1,000 published posts since May 5, 2012.

TMI Questions has almost 10,000 hits since May 30, 2102.

In the Kitchen with Jeep Guy - has almost 1,000 hits since August 1, 2012.

12 on 12 0n 12/12/12 on 13

The 12 on 12 challenge was created by some guy who stopped over a year ago but get mad if you don't credit him. Well, he can stomp his feet all he wants because it is Blobby who has inspired me to do my first  and most likely last, at least for a while because I usually forget or have nothing to photograph.

After you post your 12 on 12 you are supposed to post a link in Blobby's comments so others can read your post and blog.

I had a doctor's appointment in NYC yesterday and as I was walking across Central Park, remembered 12 on 12 and thought, "Perfect!" However, as I was taking (for the first time) the bus back to Penn Station, I was surprised and pleased to find myself on 5th Ave! At Christmas Time! So my 12 on 12 will be more than 12.

5th Ave from 57th to 53rd is really quite magical at anytime but especially at Christmas Time.

Central Park and pic #1

Central Park West and 98th

Hollister - a younger A&F
Just a wall of screens (over and on the other side of the entrance too)
with a live feed from Huntington Beach

Fendi - the lights dripped, very simple but pretty

BG's - like looking down from the ceiling

I counted almost 200 red shirts - Geek Overload, this is about a quarter of the store

The doormen at BG's Men - so handsome and classy.

St. Patrick's Cathedral under renovation.

Times Square

Grand Central

The iPhone does not like this kind of lighting.
I waited for the Sugar Plum Fairies light show but it I didn't have the patience.

YUMMY! Street cart hotdogs for dinner! A must for every trip into NYC.

For $5-$10 people will take your pick with and iPad and email it to you.